Getting Over Violet
Wow I thought yesterday was a mind fuck. No it was today. I texted her in the afternoon just trying to find some closure for the way too sudden break up. I mean there was literally no warning at all. I suggested going back to dating, like what we were before we were official. No serious commitments or anything just us having fun. I was genuinely fine with this, it’s not us closing the door on any possible future together. It’s us slowing down and taking a step back. I agree, we went into this really fast and slowing it down and taking a step back was probably the best for us. Then we were talking again at night about nicknames. Now even before we were dating we called each other dummy which was flirty and cute but now she didn’t want that. I think at this point I knew it was over and she closed the door on us. It was small but nicknames meant a lot to me and I knew it was a bit part of our relationship. She then said she wanted to just go back to being friends, throwing away all of our memories. All the days I spent at her house, all the movies we watched together, our first kiss and date. I met her parents for godsakes and now she does this. I knew we moved too fast but I didn’t think she’d do this. She said she didn’t want a relationship but I feel like there’s someone else. Every time I met her she was happy and there was no change. No indicator that could’ve let me know what was happening. And now I guess it’s all over. When we were gonna just go back to dating, she repeated over and over that we weren’t mutually exclusive but said she wasn’t going to date anyone. Now this is her covering her own ass because she obvisouly repeated the exclusive thing. It doesn’t make sense but like it kinda does at the same time. But one of the worst things was she tried to put me on her hook. When we were talking about dating, she kept saying vague answers that hinted about us getting back together. Stuff like “for now, no” or “not at the moment”. She was obviously trying to keep me on the hook, a safety net or a second option in case something else didn’t go right. So she could come back to me. I think the worst part of this was how she delivered it. First of all it was over text which was possibly the most shitty thing a person could do. Then when I called she sounded unbothered, cold, distant. And at the end of the call this was the dialogue:
Ryan: So our entire month together; the late night phone calls, the times I brought you food and presents, all those dates we had, those days of hanging in your room watching movies, all of them just down the drain like that? Just forget about it?
Violet: Yup
Yeah, that’s right. She said yup. Literally fucking said yup. And the worst part was she said it in a happy and joyful voice. She wasn’t upset at all, she just wanted to get out. I honestly don’t think I could’ve been a better boyfriend. I gave her my heart and my trust. She took it, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and said “you have to remember that i’m not trying to hurt you on purpose”. And I literally copied and pasted this into here direct from our texts. I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore. I deleted some of her stuff then got off social media after talking to my friends. They all seem to think it’s not my fault and it’s hers but I think that me rushing this may have been me. They’re all convinced that I’m gonna find someone else but I really doubt that. The thing I had with Violet was perfect emotionally, physically, and logistically. I mean she lives right next to me so it’s great. I guess I’m just gonna have to deal with this for a while. It’s just gonna suck I guess. My guitar is coming so maybe something to be happy about but other than that, everything sucks and I want to die. It’s 1 am and I’m in my room listening to some sad rap music. I don’t know why but this thing with violet hurts so much. It was just so real to me and meant so much. Watching her throw it away so easily just kills me and I hope she gets what she deserves in the future. I wish someone told me earlier what this feels like but I feel like I needed to go through this. It’s gonna give me some insight to my future relationships. As I said before I’m on social media blackout so I think I’m gonna be posting on here more. I think I’m gonna sleep now but I’ll let you guys know if something else pops up. My day wasn’t too interesting practical wise. I went to Decathalon to buy a resistance band to help me with my pull ups, mounted the WiFi range extender to my door frame using pieces from my erector set. And that’s about it. Watched Creed II and the Karate Kid Part II. I need to take my mind off of her forever. I need a cleanse. Probably going to use this to change me a lot. Build myself bigger and stronger. Not even think about dating.
EDIT FROM 3 YEARS IN THE FUTURE:
Yeah, this entire post is making me cringe heavily. I'm not going to delete or censor things though because this may or may not have been a character development moment. Perhaps my villain origin story.