Exit Field Right

Well I missed another day but not a lot went down.  It was Father’s Day yesterday but I didn’t want to go to the beach so instead, my dad and stepmom went while I stayed back and made a red velvet cake with yellow cream cheese frosting in the form of Pac-Man. It did look like someone hurled onto the cake but the flavors were there.  Today I just worked at the pacific coffee on the 20th floor of the HSBC Tower. Pretty nice building that’s modern and nice.  The usual PBJ for lunch.  But now onto the real shit, the family fight.  You see I didn’t want to go to rugby training and this leads to a much larger problem which I will now discuss.  So for the longest time my dad wanted me to make National Age Grade rugby.  It’s like the national team for Hong Kong school kids rugby.  But I haven’t been able to make it since I was 12.  It’s always been my dad vision for me to get in which is a stepping stone to getting a rugby scholarship to play in a US university.  I was semi-trying for a while because it wasn’t a bit deal to me, I wasn’t passionate.  Also how the year groups work, I had 4 chances to get in.  I made it the first time, didn’t get in the second time and the third time.  But for the whole year leading up to the third time, I trained a lot because I figured that if I could make it that one time, I’ll have what it takes to make it another.  Anyways, I tried really hard and was heartbroken when I didn’t make it.  So I figured, it was that point in time to call it quits on the trying really hard at rugby.  It wasn’t and still isn’t going to happen, dad.  Now I’m focusing on my studies and work but for some reason my dad still thinks that there’s hope for me to make NAGs and get the scholarship. Except I can’t.  This big problem ties in to the biggest of all, his extreme withholding of approval.  I’m 16 years, he’s said he’s proud of me twice. Once when I made nag when I was 12, and when I was selected as head prefect at my school. More on the lack of approval, I wasn’t able to get a job during the corona thing because 60% of the workforce at my company got laid off.  Yet he pushed harder than ever even though it was the hardest time to find a job.  Then he is using this as an excuse to get some leverage.  Okay that’s a bit much to go into for a public blog but the main part is that his standards are too high and he needs to loosen the reigns a little.  He’s made the mistakes he did growing up not very wealthy and he finally made it to a place where he’s comfortable but he doesn’t want me to make the same mistakes he did.  But I think I do need to make them to learn for myself.